Here’s a letter I sent to my aunt and cousin in Arizona in 2007. I want to include this in my blog as it helps you to understand what was going on in my life at that time.

Dearest Aunt Marusia a.k.a "My Huggy Aunt" and Cousin “Sister” Christina,

I started writing this back on 8/06/07 to send to you but hesitated. It has been a difficult 2 weeks here, not knowing how my Mom's latest stay at the hospital would be or for how long. She had been discharged from the nursing home but had spent it battling an infection for which her Doctor gave her an antibiotic. She had said she would crawl on her hands and knees to be at home again having spent time in Inglemoor in Livingston where we celebrated her 71st Birthday back in May.

At home she was given a massaging bed and a visiting nurse along with Dad and the newest Polish housekeeper Christine. They all tended to her but her infection did not go away. Mom was coughing and trying to save her energy as it was bothering her. On the Friday before the 4th of July, I got home and Dad called "not to alarm me" but Mom was back in the hospital. Nothing happens at the hospital on weekends but she was given the drip and oxygen. They noticed that she had fluid in or below her lungs and the procedure to remove it had to wait. The fever charted by the nurses kept reappearing, 101.2 to 98.6, they waited until it was gone. They removed the fluid and tested it. She was then discharged a rehab/nursing home in Montclair. I visited her there on Thursday and she was very frail and complained about the therapy. On Friday, she complained of having breathing problems and an erratic heartbeat, she was immediately taken back to the emergency room at Beth Israel.

I was beside myself waiting for calls while at work but knowing that Andrew was there and giving us updates helped a little. I drove home and immediately lay down, said a prayer and told myself she was in God’s hands. She improved and I waited, remembering nothing happens in hospitals on weekends. She was being cared for. I visited her again, this time she looked rested and I fed her some dinner. Her humor was good as she asked for ice cream and told me that the nursing home was awful!!! With our usual goodbye, I told her I'd see her on Friday. But that has become somewhat of a running joke with us, how I'll find her no matter where she goes. Friday she was moved to Pine Acres in Madison, Dad called and said they transported her that morning.

Moving days were always hectic for her, an ambulance ride to a new location. I decided to let her get situated. We all come to visit her, but I've been troubled that no one knows outside the 4 of us. After a while, with work and driving and gardening (new hobby here!) the heat waves, the cats and of course spending time cooking for and relaxing with my wonderful John, sometimes I don't know if I'm coming or going. Or which location Mom's in or how she's feeling. I've asked Dad if any of his siblings have called as I wanted to call Uncle Walt but I'm not sure how Grandma Anna is, I know his plate is full with daughters and grandkids and home. And yours is too. Dad seems to take the quiet route. Uncle John had called but I don't know what they spoke about. Seems Dad and Andrew are tight lipped. Me? I’m bursting at the seams.

Most close associates at work do ask about my Mom but only a few friends know how important she is to me. John has been a great support knowing how I feel about her. I've been reminding Andrew and Dad that Mom's confusion or agitation may be due to aging or the infection, as I remember grandma becoming senile. Grandma stayed lucid until about 92. What a woman! Mom's confusion only occurred during the time she had the fever. She's lucid again and waves her finger in the air now saying she had a happy moment. She is improving and has in the wheelchair and I'm told needs to get the strength to stand again but they're exercising her in bed. It's not in our control but we're there for Mom with patience and understanding.to reassure her that everything will be okay. She really likes it there and we're positive for her 100 % I say we need prayer, a warm smile, some encouraging words and a peaceful feeling knowing that she continues to persevere.

The cat needs some attention and is not letting me type, I will need to finish later please hug and kiss all of the Arizona clan from me as I hope everyone is enjoying their summer. You must be a busy bee with your real estate ventures. I bet you've earned many rewards and praise from all your hard work!!!! Emails and postcards do make me feel that I know you're out there among the tumbleweeds. Stay well. Miss you. (There's also a movie called the Notebook that has the same type of issue as your busy morning email about visiting someone you love even though they don't remember you. Mom still remembers.)

Love, Motria and John

When you sent me this story in an email, Aunt Marusia, it hit very close to home.

It was a busy morning, about 8:30, when an Elderly gentleman in his 80's, arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He said he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am. I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him. I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound. On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound. While taking care of his wound, I asked him if he had another doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife. I inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer's Disease. As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now. I was surprised, and asked him, "And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?" He smiled as he patted my hand and said, "She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is." I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought, "That is the kind of love I want in my life." True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be. The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have.