Don't Snooze Through Life

There are so many posts about positive thinking online and I've read so many for years but I always need to remind myself to follow their suggestions. I don't need to write the catch phrases on index cards but I do make them a part of my life. Every morning, my first thought ought is a grateful one.  A brand new day. A fresh start. A new post on my blog.

My weekdays start the same every day. Sometimes I do hear Johnny's alarm go off at 5:30. Other times I only wake when he opens the door and comes back to give me a kiss before he leaves for work. I tell him to have a good day or that I'll see him later and fall back to sleep. My alarm rings at 8:30. I hit the snooze button. A snooze is only 5 minutes and then it rings again. I hit the snooze button again. I can always turn off the alarm and fall back to sleep. I could continue to play the snooze game or I can simply get up. Every day is different. I'm striving for simply getting up. I'm getting better. Every night is different. Sometimes I toss and turn, sometimes it takes me a while to fall asleep but every night we go to bed around 10:30. Chamomile tea making occurs at 9:30 so I can sip it as I unwind and get ready for bed.

That's one thing I like about Johnny. He follows a schedule. I call him predictable as I know exactly what he's going to do and when. I used to have a 40 hour work schedule but I gave it up on February 18, 2013. I gave it up to free myself from an incredibly stressful time in my life. I felt that working somewhere that was making me more and more frustrated that I had reached my boiling point was not healthy. There have been a few instances in my life that caused me to reach a level that required fight or flight. I've learned to stand up for myself and defend myself if I have the strength and there was a chance for me to win. I've learned how to protect myself from crumbling into a pile of misery but in 2013 I was tired and frustrated and stressed. I had kept it together even with the loss of 3 important people in my life as I continued to work during my cancer treatment. But something was telling to get out. Get out of my job. It's not healthy. The red flag was waving and I was not about to ignore it.

There are times in life when you make the wrong choices. You decide to be friends with people who are not right for you. They mean you harm but you don't see it. Their life is spiraling out of control but you refuse to see it. Or you see it as your mission to help. I have learned a valuable lessons after making the wrong choices in life. I've also learned to take care of me. My health and well-being is my number one mission in life. We only get one life and there are no rehearsals. Live and learn continues to happen all through life but repeating and falling into traps and holes ought to be a learning experience that we don't repeat.

Waking up every morning ought to be a time to be grateful for being alive and not a time of dread and scrambling around and fear. I whole-heartedly believe that my life is precious. Cancer opened my eyes wider and made me appreciate and see the beauty of life.  I don't want to live a life of misery, frustration, and fear. I want to make choices keeping in mind that I am strong enough and old enough to stand up tall for myself. I am proud of and have learned so much about myself since 2013.

A choice I made back in 2003 made my life shine with love. I chose to send a message to a man called John on Yahoo Personals. We first spoke that June in 2003 on a Sunday night for 3 hours! He has stood beside me since then. My life has been fairly rocky but he's been a ray of sunshine. Don't tell him that. He's real. He's got a beautiful heart. A perfect choice for me. But I'll save that for another post.